Snickerfodder

GREEN is Good

Posted on: October 18, 2009

 

 

This is the first week of school that M2 has been ‘on green’ ALL WEEK.

 

  

Well, technically, she was ‘on green’ on Monday. 

 

She spent the rest of the week at home trying to squelch her swine flu squeals. 

 

 But hey, the word ‘yellow’ didn’t appear once on her daily behavior report – that counts for somethin’, doesn’t it?

 

I gotta tell ya, this color system that schools use today to chart a student’s behavior is a great thing.  

 

 

In M2’s class:

 

 

 green is good

 

yellow is ‘a warning’

 

orange means ‘ya better back off, kid’

 

red says ‘Final Warning:  one more time, and you’re gonna get it but good’

 

 

 

 

and BLACK bellows:

 

 

THAT’S IT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!

YOU’RE TOAST!

 

 

 

 

Thank God this system wasn’t in place when I was in school. 

 

 I never shut the hell up. 

 

I was always getting my chair or my desk moved either as far away from the others or front ‘n center beside the teacher’s desk.

 

I can’t help it; I’m a talker. 

 

But in my defense, I must say, that when I would get in trouble, I’d really only talked or giggled ONCE

 

After that, it only LOOKED as if I kept chattin’ up my buds.

 

In reality, I was just lookin’ around at everybody else — trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to have been doin’

(‘cause I was too damn dumb to do two things at once and keep up with the rest of the class).

 

 Hell, I never heard another kid’s oral report once I hit the 9th grade.

 

 ‘Presentation Day’ would come, and I’d automatically assume my position outside the closed classroom door.

 

I’d never have survived this color system; for The Viv – they’d have needed a color darker than black.

 

 

 

My M2 didn’t stand a chance.  

 

 

 

Along with the chromosome for sass, I passed along the chat gene. 

 

Her kindergarten teacher once told me that she really didn’t know what M2 looked like – cause she’d only ever seen the back of her head.

 

 

The difference between M2 and me:  SHE can hypertask.

 

 

That kid can appear to be totally off-task, doing something like, oh, I dunno, stuffing her mouth with sopping paper towels or carving ‘I love you’ into the dining room table with an unfolded paper clip (how do you beat her for THAT?!), keep track of how many times her sister has shot her ‘stink eye’ and then cough up an answer like

 

 

Ta duo da?

 

 

when translating ‘how old is she?’ in Chinese.

 

 

I feel sorry for her 1st grade teacher;

 

 

 our Chinese tutor is dizzy after only an hour.

 

 

 

Damn!  My girl is good!

 

 

 

If only I could hypertask AND keep my wits about me; my goddam lungs wouldn’t be charred. 

 

 

 

I have a really hard time punishing a ‘talent’ I envy.

 

 

 

Bless her heart, M2 is having a really hard time with this color system. 

 

 

In the world outside of school, ‘green’ means ‘go’ (or, ‘go ahead and talk’); ‘yellow’ is Daddy’s favorite color and the color of the brick road that skippin’ Dorothy follows home (hence, a ‘GOOD’ color to M2).

 

 

 

I would totally fuck her up if I reminded her…

 

 

the Wicked Witch is GREEN.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to "GREEN is Good"

Hmmm, carving on the top of an important piece of furniture??? Sounds vaguely familiar…like something that took up my entire friggin fall last year. All this time I thought it was my poor parenting. Now I see that it was you. You! You are the common element.

If it would help, I would be willing to write M2 a lifelong note (laminated, cuz I love to laminate!) excusing her from the color system. I don’t just play a principal on TV. I am one!

Yep, you got it, Sister M C.

It’s my doing.

This year, I’m gonna go all-out and teach the kiddies to carve Spanish cuss words with their nifty new calligraphy nibs.

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