F U Zhu Zhu!
Posted December 2, 2009on:
I am in Zhu Zhu Hell.
The M & Ms have asked Santa for
‘Zhu Zhu Pets’ for Christmas.
They’re basically just fuzzy little robot hamsters.
Of course, there is the plethora of Zhu Zhu Pets accessories and accoutrements that we suckered moms & dads can purchase for exorbitant prices:
* exercise ball
* habitrail knock-off
* freakin’ fake-hamster SLEEPING BAGS
* fake-hamster car and garage
* fake-hamster CLOTHES, for chrissake
They ARE cute little toys, but the thing is:
You CANNOT get your hands on them!
Plus, why the hell would
the M & Ms want FAKE HAMSTERS?
One has a dwarf hamster, and the other has a black and white fancy mouse —
(living and breathing, eating and shitting and STINKING!)
right in their own bedrooms!
They have THE REAL THINGS,
they want the costly FAKE ones!
(I guess this is the attraction of implants, eh?)
They plop the REAL critters into their REAL exercise balls, and the little fellas roll all over the house.
It’s especially funny when they bounce in the balls down stairs
or fly off their wheels and slam into the glass walls of the cage.
The REAL rodents are great!
But, no, that’s not good enough for the M & Ms.
Someone, somewhere, got wind that these furry little ZHU ZHU robot rodents were gonna be THE BIG THING for Christmas this festive, fuckin’ Yuletide, and they went out to the stores and freakin’ HOOVERED ’em all up.
Then the greedy bastards
started hockin’ em
on ebay for
more than they cost!
Even SANTA has to be frugal
in a freakin’ recession,
you green-eyed pricks!
I’m currently CONSUMED by ebay.
I’ve been engaged in full-on bidding warfare with other desperate moms — some serious nail-biting-hair-pulling-nerve-wracking-my-bladder-is-so-full-it’s-gonna-freakin’-blow-but-I-will-piss-myself-before-I-walk-away-from-this-bitch-who-keeps-out-bidding-me-so-Back–off, Barbie! kind of warfare.
Though I pity anyone up against The Viv in verbal warfare,
she is woefully inept in cyber sabotage.
The only ebay items I have ‘won’ are those
I flippin’ purchased outright with a ‘Buy It Now‘ click.
I don’t know whether to be proud or committed
for buying ‘Chunk‘ (the white Zhu Zhu fake-hamster) for
The damn things retail for $7.99 !!!
I got off easy, so far as I can tell.
Some poor schleps are forkin’ over
for the self-same Chunk I snagged.
and the M & Ms;
when that furry little Chunk-fucker gets here,
I may just chuck’im up on ebay
and see if I can extract
a cool $500 bucks
from some other poor,
on December 23rd.
If the M & Ms want SPECTACULAR on Christmas morn,
I’ll just cram a coupla fire crackers
up the REAL rodents’ asses,
and watch’em GO !
Let’s see’em dicker over THAT on ebay.