F U Zhu Zhu!

Posted on: December 2, 2009



I am in Zhu Zhu Hell.




The M & Ms have asked Santa for 

‘Zhu Zhu Pets’ for Christmas. 




They’re basically just fuzzy little robot hamsters.




Of course, there is the plethora of Zhu Zhu Pets accessories and accoutrements that we suckered moms & dads can purchase for exorbitant prices:



* exercise ball

* habitrail knock-off

* freakin’ fake-hamster SLEEPING BAGS

* fake-hamster car and garage 

* fake-hamster CLOTHES, for chrissake




They ARE cute little toys, but the thing is: 



 You CANNOT get your hands on them!





Plus, why the hell would

the M & Ms want FAKE HAMSTERS?




One has a dwarf hamster,  and the other has a black and white fancy mouse — 

(living and breathing, eating and shitting and STINKING!)

  right in their own bedrooms! 






they want the costly FAKE ones! 


(I guess this is the attraction of implants, eh?)




They plop the REAL critters into their REAL exercise balls, and the little fellas roll all over the house. 

It’s especially funny when they bounce in the balls down stairs

or fly off their wheels and slam into the glass walls of the cage. 




The REAL rodents are great! 



But, no, that’s not good enough for the M & Ms.





Someone, somewhere, got wind that these furry little ZHU ZHU robot rodents were gonna be THE BIG THING for Christmas this festive, fuckin’ Yuletide, and they went out to the stores and freakin’ HOOVERED ’em all up. 





Then the greedy bastards

started hockin’ em

on ebay for


 more than they cost! 










Even SANTA has to be frugal

 in a freakin’ recession,

you green-eyed pricks!






I’m currently CONSUMED by ebay. 






I’ve been engaged in full-on bidding warfare with other desperate moms —  some serious nail-biting-hair-pulling-nerve-wracking-my-bladder-is-so-full-it’s-gonna-freakin’-blow-but-I-will-piss-myself-before-I-walk-away-from-this-bitch-who-keeps-out-bidding-me-so-Backoff, Barbie! kind of warfare.




Though I pity anyone up against The Viv in verbal warfare,

she is woefully inept in cyber sabotage.  






The only ebay items I have ‘won’ are those

I flippin’ purchased outright with a ‘Buy It Now‘ click.






I don’t know whether to be proud or committed

for buying ‘Chunk‘ (the white Zhu Zhu fake-hamster) for









The damn things retail for $7.99 !!!






I got off easy, so far as I can tell. 






Some poor schleps are forkin’ over




for the self-same Chunk I snagged.





Screw Santa

and the M & Ms;





when that furry little Chunk-fucker gets here,

 I may just chuck’im up on ebay

and see if I can extract

a cool $500 bucks

from some other poor,

desperate mother

on December 23rd.




If the M & Ms want SPECTACULAR on Christmas morn,

I’ll just cram a coupla fire crackers

up the REAL rodents’ asses,

light’em up

and watch’em GO !




Let’s see’em dicker over THAT on ebay.



2 Responses to "F U Zhu Zhu!"

I heard on CNN they were dangerous…maybe they will be recalled and you will have to get your money back. 🙂 I think we will be in K-town the week before and through Christmas…would love to see you all….we miss you! XOXOXO

I just read about the toxic little bastards.

Maybe they’ll recall, but I’m gonna sit them out.

When we got Aqua Dots, we had so damn much $$$ invested in those.

They recalled them; I threw out the factory and all of the extras.

Two months later, they brought’em back as ‘Pixos’.

I had to RE-BUY everything!

(They really DID ‘improve’ them, though. Licking the Pixos simply did not get me nearly as high as the Aqua Dots. Damn.)

We’ll be sure to see ya at some point when you come up; we miss you, too!

Auntie Viv

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    • Nibby: The world needs more 'fodder'....(and so does your little bro Nibby). Get back to work slack-ass. Just read your post on Toby chumming the Trooper
    • Sassy Viv: Thanks, Mr. Pete! Honestly, I've been too busy to go to town on it. It's gonna be a bear, I know. Thanks for the comment and for stopping by!
    • petedenton: I totally agree about having a preview button. Good luck with the rebuild!
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