Festivus and The Airing of Grievances

Posted on: December 23, 2010




Happy Festivus

The holiday for the rest of us


Stick this pole up yer hole!






I just love the AOG — The Airing of Grievances.


Nothing spreads the spirit of Festivus like blasting those around you with blistering words.   I keep a running list of grievances all year long.  Below are my biggies.



The Viv’s Top 5 Grievances of 2010



5.  To my daughters:  I’m sick of pickin’ up your goddamn clothes from the floor.  There’s either a Hannah Montana or a Disney Princess hamper in your bedroom.

Learn it.  Know it.  USE IT. 




4.   To the mothers of the gymnasts on the competition team:    You’re not the athletes, so stay out’a the fuckin’ gym.   Stop tryin’ to snag the attention you didn’t get in high school through your just-a-shade-lighter-than-chubby daughters.   You’re bitches.  And, NEWSFLASH:  You’re fat.



3.   To neighbors who own corner lots: Look out the windows on both sides of your house.  See that sidewalk?  It’s YOURS.  Pull the shovel out’a your ass and put it to work.



2.  To whatever beauty-school-dropout I draw when I walk into Hair Cuttery:  “It’s Cuttery, bitch; not ‘BUTCHERY’.”



1.  To my husband, my darling Dingus


 ‘Drip-Dry’ does NOT apply to your pucker. 


Wipe, Motherfucker, WIPE!   


TWICE, if that’s what it takes! 


Unless YOU’D rather scrub the Hershey Swirls in your underwear –

for the love of God, man – WIPE!





2 Responses to "Festivus and The Airing of Grievances"

Isn’t there always that one neighbor who doesn’t shovel? It’s like a law of the universe!

So true, Megan! My poor girls risk life & limb just trying to GET to their bus stop some days. Why can’t we just ship those damn shovelduds to ANOTHER universe — one where NOBODY shovels, and see how they like it. Thanks for your comment! ;)

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