Snickerfodder

18 (okay, 15) Reasons Why The Viv Hasn’t Written SHIT For Months

Posted on: October 8, 2011

Alright! 

Fuckit!

JUST. FUCK. IT.

I don’t know why I even try.

ALL I wanna do is  WRITE!

WHY THE FUCK

 CAN’T I DO IT,  

FOR CHRISSAKE?

18 Reasons WHY

The Viv 

Hasn’t Written SHIT

For Months:

1)  Carpal tunnel surgery on dominant hand and recovery (June – September 2011)

2) My inability to JUST SAY ‘NO’ to every person who begs for my help with this committee or that

3) I volunteer for toogoddammuch

4) I am on 3 frickin’ boards, and I am the secretary for TWO of’em, AND I’m the chair of the Community Service Committee for my kids’ PTO.  (Yeah.  I really snowed them PTOtards, didn’t I?)

5) My demonspawn require me to transport them to all the shit I signed’em up for — and THEN I hafta WATCH???  Jeeeeezuuuuus…

6) I am throwing THE MOTHER OF ALL BRIDAL SHOWERS for my baby cousin.  It’s gonna be bigger and better’n my own flippin’ wedding.   I must remember to thank her for the daily glue-high I’ve gotten this summer.

7)  I have devoted much of my post-op recovery time to learning about various platform-building, marketing and social media outlets available on the net.  And I activated accounts on every fuckin’ one o’them sumbitches.  They require enormous amounts of monitoring and updating.  I now have so many social media accounts, I have a book that tracks which personality, handle and password I plugged in to which site.  Although, it’s fairly easy to remember that I probably haven’t used  my “FISTING ROCKS!” log-on for the homepage of my girls’ elementary school…

8 ) The Dingus just got ‘restructured’ and ‘severanced’ from his company.  At first, I was elated.  HE was FREE from bondage!  Then I realized that he’d now be home every, miserable day for the next 5 months.  Viv, meet BONDAGE.

9) The Dingus now insists that we spend more ‘couple’ time and exercise together (retch).  I don’t need to tell you that if my hands are busy exercising his two gonads, THEY AREN’T FUCKING TYPING.

10) The ANIMALS(read husband and children) with which I live are feral.  Not a domestic, nesting gene among them.  They don’t take care of or clean up ANYTHING!  All I do is run around and clean up THEIR shit!   I’d say they are pigs, but in actuality, pigs are quite clean.  And I HAVE pigs.  Guinea pigs.  They LIKE their living area neat and tidy.  Plus, they eat their own shit — BONUS! 

11) I’m too picky about the layout and format of my posts.  I have several posts in the hopper, but I keep tweaking them until the wonderful WordPress wonderfucks can’t publish’em THE WAY I GODDAM WANT THEM ’cause I’ve edited and saved too many times for them, and the numbfucks can’t keep up.  ***This post looks NOTHING like the draft on MY screen. 

12) I take so goddam long to get a ‘perfect’ post, by the time I finish one, it’s no longer timely.

13) There is no 13.

14) There is no 13 because OCD-me couldn’t end a list with an odd number.

15) I piss away my precious time on shit just like this.

16) FUCK OCD.

See?  Now I’m too tired to write!  OOOH!

17) I’m too tired to write.

18) FUCK!

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