Archive for the ‘Deep Thoughts…by Sassy Viv’ Category
I can’t think about posting right now.
If I do, I’ll go crazy.
I’ll think about that tomorrow.
The keen spirit seizes the prompt occasion.
The keener spirit
seizes the prompt occassion
to promptly put off the prompt
Ironically, this little one lives in a van down by the river.
an 18 year old kid
humpin’ a heifer.
of a flirty woman
the kid had to
in order to
in the nearby river.
Now, I’m not so much into
I could go for some
we are made of energy,
I like to think that
IF there BE
end up bein’
I wanna come back as
has the life!
“I believe … that the soul of man
and will be treated with justice
in another life,
respecting its conduct in this.”
gets to keep
(WHAT was I in my past life???)
This is the first week of school that M2 has been ‘on green’ ALL WEEK.
Well, technically, she was ‘on green’ on Monday.
She spent the rest of the week at home trying to squelch her swine flu squeals.
But hey, the word ‘yellow’ didn’t appear once on her daily behavior report – that counts for somethin’, doesn’t it?
I gotta tell ya, this color system that schools use today to chart a student’s behavior is a great thing.
In M2’s class:
green is good
yellow is ‘a warning’
orange means ‘ya better back off, kid’
red says ‘Final Warning: one more time, and you’re gonna get it but good’
and BLACK bellows:
THAT’S IT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!
Thank God this system wasn’t in place when I was in school.
I never shut the hell up.
I was always getting my chair or my desk moved either as far away from the others or front ‘n center beside the teacher’s desk.
I can’t help it; I’m a talker.
But in my defense, I must say, that when I would get in trouble, I’d really only talked or giggled ONCE.
After that, it only LOOKED as if I kept chattin’ up my buds.
In reality, I was just lookin’ around at everybody else — trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to have been doin’
(‘cause I was too damn dumb to do two things at once and keep up with the rest of the class).
Hell, I never heard another kid’s oral report once I hit the 9th grade.
‘Presentation Day’ would come, and I’d automatically assume my position outside the closed classroom door.
I’d never have survived this color system; for The Viv – they’d have needed a color darker than black.
My M2 didn’t stand a chance.
Along with the chromosome for sass, I passed along the chat gene.
Her kindergarten teacher once told me that she really didn’t know what M2 looked like – ‘cause she’d only ever seen the back of her head.
The difference between M2 and me: SHE can hypertask.
That kid can appear to be totally off-task, doing something like, oh, I dunno, stuffing her mouth with sopping paper towels or carving ‘I love you’ into the dining room table with an unfolded paper clip (how do you beat her for THAT?!), keep track of how many times her sister has shot her ‘stink eye’ and then cough up an answer like
Ta duo da?
when translating ‘how old is she?’ in Chinese.
I feel sorry for her 1st grade teacher;
our Chinese tutor is dizzy after only an hour.
Damn! My girl is good!
If only I could hypertask AND keep my wits about me; my goddam lungs wouldn’t be charred.
I have a really hard time punishing a ‘talent’ I envy.
Bless her heart, M2 is having a really hard time with this color system.
In the world outside of school, ‘green’ means ‘go’ (or, ‘go ahead and talk’); ‘yellow’ is Daddy’s favorite color and the color of the brick road that skippin’ Dorothy follows home (hence, a ‘GOOD’ color to M2).
I would totally fuck her up if I reminded her…
the Wicked Witch is GREEN.
As promised, here is Viv’s list of favorite words from A-Z. It was difficult for this wordsmith to narrow it down to just one, true favorite, but the deciding factor was the frequency with which these little beauties spew from her piehole:
A – asinine
B – bastidge (from Johnny Dangerously, that fargin’ icehole)
C – Chrrr-ist Almighty!
D – dunderhead
E – eunuch
F – duh
G – giddyup
H – hootendafuck (as in “what in da…”)
I – idiot
J – Je-sus!
K – kumquat
L – lobotomy
M – mugginhuffer and motherfucker (it’s a toss-up)
N – numbnuts
O – ontogeny (as in _______ recapitulates phylogeny; thank you, Mr. McNees, you were right; this science shit DID come in handy 30 years later)
P – prick
Q – quagmire
R – retard (the #1 teachers’ career-killer)
S – shut-the-fuck-up (as in “how ‘bout a nice, hot cup of…”) and SNACK
T – tintinnabulation, thwart and thwack (a threesome…ooh! there’s another!)
U – utter (as in _____ moron and _____ imbecile)
V – vicious
W – Wawa – arguably, the most asinine name in the world for a convenience station (unless the braintrusts who came up with it envisioned the store as metaphor for some Mojave oasis to which parched, mostly-dead desert survivors in need of refreshment might crawl)
X – xenophilia
Y – yenta
Z – zilch
Folks, I have bared my soul here; here I give you the very essence of Viv.
Oh! Catharsis …
So, what is YOUR favorite word(s)?
– leave it in a comment!
I adore words — my favorite word in the world is snack. I love how it smacks in the mouth. I especially love to hear the flight attendant announce it.
(One might be surprised that my favorites don’t start with “F”.)
After some deliberation, however, I’ve come to the conclusion that all of my favorite words/terms start with “V”
(in the order they pop into my vapid mind):
Vulcan, God of Fire
Vector, Victor (as in what’s your?)
“V’s” pack more punch than any plosive or sibilant in my book. Plus, they’re just too much fun for the tongue!
Next blog: Viv’s Favorite Words From A-Z!