Posts Tagged ‘FedEx’
JUST. FUCK. IT.
I don’t know why I even try.
ALL I wanna do is WRITE!
WHY THE FUCK
CAN’T I DO IT,
18 Reasons WHY
Hasn’t Written SHIT
1) Carpal tunnel surgery on dominant hand and recovery (June – September 2011)
2) My inability to JUST SAY ‘NO’ to every person who begs for my help with this committee or that
3) I volunteer for toogoddammuch
4) I am on 3 frickin’ boards, and I am the secretary for TWO of’em, AND I’m the chair of the Community Service Committee for my kids’ PTO. (Yeah. I really snowed them PTOtards, didn’t I?)
5) My demonspawn require me to transport them to all the shit I signed’em up for — and THEN I hafta WATCH??? Jeeeeezuuuuus…
6) I am throwing THE MOTHER OF ALL BRIDAL SHOWERS for my baby cousin. It’s gonna be bigger and better’n my own flippin’ wedding. I must remember to thank her for the daily glue-high I’ve gotten this summer.
7) I have devoted much of my post-op recovery time to learning about various platform-building, marketing and social media outlets available on the net. And I activated accounts on every fuckin’ one o’them sumbitches. They require enormous amounts of monitoring and updating. I now have so many social media accounts, I have a book that tracks which personality, handle and password I plugged in to which site. Although, it’s fairly easy to remember that I probably haven’t used my “FISTING ROCKS!” log-on for the homepage of my girls’ elementary school…
8 ) The Dingus just got ‘restructured’ and ‘severanced’ from his company. At first, I was elated. HE was FREE from bondage! Then I realized that he’d now be home every, miserable day for the next 5 months. Viv, meet BONDAGE.
9) The Dingus now insists that we spend more ‘couple’ time and exercise together (retch). I don’t need to tell you that if my hands are busy exercising his two gonads, THEY AREN’T FUCKING TYPING.
10) The ANIMALS(read husband and children) with which I live are feral. Not a domestic, nesting gene among them. They don’t take care of or clean up ANYTHING! All I do is run around and clean up THEIR shit! I’d say they are pigs, but in actuality, pigs are quite clean. And I HAVE pigs. Guinea pigs. They LIKE their living area neat and tidy. Plus, they eat their own shit — BONUS!
11) I’m too picky about the layout and format of my posts. I have several posts in the hopper, but I keep tweaking them until the wonderful WordPress wonderfucks can’t publish’em THE WAY I GODDAM WANT THEM ’cause I’ve edited and saved too many times for them, and the numbfucks can’t keep up. ***This post looks NOTHING like the draft on MY screen.
12) I take so goddam long to get a ‘perfect’ post, by the time I finish one, it’s no longer timely.
13) There is no 13.
14) There is no 13 because OCD-me couldn’t end a list with an odd number.
15) I piss away my precious time on shit just like this.
16) FUCK OCD.
See? Now I’m too tired to write! OOOH!
17) I’m too tired to write.