Snickerfodder

Posts Tagged ‘wordpress

You ever happen upon an ‘Under Construction’ website?

(The answer would be ‘yes’ if you’re here.)

Frustrating, isn’t it?

Know what’s even MORE frustrating?

Having the website that you’ve been building and nurturing for

TWO YEARS

go

POOF!

UP

IN

SMOKE.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

GONE.

JUST.

FUCKING.

GONE.

Let’s say it together, boys and girls:

EPIC.

FUCKING.

FAIL.

I have been working very hard on building my writing platform.  Just last week, once my UNDER-CONSTRUCTION LIFE settled for — ahh! just a moment —  I bought the http://snickerfodder.com domain for $25 a year.  (It’s MINE.  ALL MINE.  Long as I keep coughin’ up the annual $25, that is.  Thanks, WordPress!  Could’a gotten it from godaddy for $9.99, but it’s SO much more convenient through the WonderFuck system!)

TWO YEARS!

ALL THAT WORK FOR NOTHING!

Hey, WordPress, you premiere blogging platform!

Know what would be a GREAT idea?

A cute, little button

— just like the one on your publishing page —

that allows the writer to

 

PREVIEW

 

how her site WOULD look with a brand new theme, if she so chose to install it.

Unfortunately,

the minute you TRY ON a different theme,

it’s automatically YOUR NEW THEME.

I WANT to blame WordPress, but really,  

the blame falls upon The Viv because she’s

 too STUPID

to understand all there is to know about internet publishing.

Luckily, my posts are still on the site (and, as they are such phenomenal examples of fine writing, I’d hate to lose such quality material).

NOW, the only way to go is to

 start from scratch…

AGAIN.

Damn, why didn’t I major in code?

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Alright! 

Fuckit!

JUST. FUCK. IT.

I don’t know why I even try.

ALL I wanna do is  WRITE!

WHY THE FUCK

 CAN’T I DO IT,  

FOR CHRISSAKE?

18 Reasons WHY

The Viv 

Hasn’t Written SHIT

For Months:

1)  Carpal tunnel surgery on dominant hand and recovery (June – September 2011)

2) My inability to JUST SAY ‘NO’ to every person who begs for my help with this committee or that

3) I volunteer for toogoddammuch

4) I am on 3 frickin’ boards, and I am the secretary for TWO of’em, AND I’m the chair of the Community Service Committee for my kids’ PTO.  (Yeah.  I really snowed them PTOtards, didn’t I?)

5) My demonspawn require me to transport them to all the shit I signed’em up for — and THEN I hafta WATCH???  Jeeeeezuuuuus…

6) I am throwing THE MOTHER OF ALL BRIDAL SHOWERS for my baby cousin.  It’s gonna be bigger and better’n my own flippin’ wedding.   I must remember to thank her for the daily glue-high I’ve gotten this summer.

7)  I have devoted much of my post-op recovery time to learning about various platform-building, marketing and social media outlets available on the net.  And I activated accounts on every fuckin’ one o’them sumbitches.  They require enormous amounts of monitoring and updating.  I now have so many social media accounts, I have a book that tracks which personality, handle and password I plugged in to which site.  Although, it’s fairly easy to remember that I probably haven’t used  my “FISTING ROCKS!” log-on for the homepage of my girls’ elementary school…

8 ) The Dingus just got ‘restructured’ and ‘severanced’ from his company.  At first, I was elated.  HE was FREE from bondage!  Then I realized that he’d now be home every, miserable day for the next 5 months.  Viv, meet BONDAGE.

9) The Dingus now insists that we spend more ‘couple’ time and exercise together (retch).  I don’t need to tell you that if my hands are busy exercising his two gonads, THEY AREN’T FUCKING TYPING.

10) The ANIMALS(read husband and children) with which I live are feral.  Not a domestic, nesting gene among them.  They don’t take care of or clean up ANYTHING!  All I do is run around and clean up THEIR shit!   I’d say they are pigs, but in actuality, pigs are quite clean.  And I HAVE pigs.  Guinea pigs.  They LIKE their living area neat and tidy.  Plus, they eat their own shit — BONUS! 

11) I’m too picky about the layout and format of my posts.  I have several posts in the hopper, but I keep tweaking them until the wonderful WordPress wonderfucks can’t publish’em THE WAY I GODDAM WANT THEM ’cause I’ve edited and saved too many times for them, and the numbfucks can’t keep up.  ***This post looks NOTHING like the draft on MY screen. 

12) I take so goddam long to get a ‘perfect’ post, by the time I finish one, it’s no longer timely.

13) There is no 13.

14) There is no 13 because OCD-me couldn’t end a list with an odd number.

15) I piss away my precious time on shit just like this.

16) FUCK OCD.

See?  Now I’m too tired to write!  OOOH!

17) I’m too tired to write.

18) FUCK!