Snickerfodder

Posts Tagged ‘favorite words

  

  

VACATION

 

 

 is one of The Viv’s faVorite words.   

  

  

I would venture to say that it’s one of everyone’s faVorites. 

Not just because it’s fun to say and that it starts with the letter ‘V’.   

The attraction of the very word lies within the concept of  VACATING her day-to-day-mind-numbing-hellish LIFE.   

For The Viv,  the mere idea of VACATING and ESCAPING that oft-wretched suckfest of a life for one, measly frickin’ week a year

happens to be the lifeblood, that magic elixir, that gets her through the other miserable 51 weeks. 

  

  

The Viv

LIVES

for that single, precious, sustaining

semana

wherein she enjoys being

 

 

 

 

The Bon Vivant.

  

  

 

 

  

   Oh! 

 

 

     To FLEE!  

 

 

  

  

Toto

  

 

  

   Most days —

to

 

  

ANYWHERE

 

(including a well-padded maximum-security facility) 

(with really good food)

  

  

 

  

But, for that single-precious-sustaining semana,

  

The Bon Viv chooses,

  

 hands-down,

  

to be in

 

 

  

OCMD.

  

 

 

 

   There simply is

 NO OTHER

place

 I’d rather be. 

 

 

EVER.

 

 

 

   In fact,

  I want to

LIVE

 and

DIE

  there. 

 

 

 

It is my DREAM to live in one o’ those quaint little cottages on the boardwalk (preferably somewhere between 6th and 16th streets),

to wake every day to the brown ocean slapping the man-made jetty, and to spend my lazy days on my cute little porch gawking the

vacationers in their Sunsations-seasonal-skankwear parading and/or making dunderhead decisions in driving various non-motorized

vehicles up and down the boards. 

 

 

 

AAAHHHHHHHH….

  

 

 

 

As for dying in OCMD,

I, Sassy Viv,

 do hereby decree

my desire

to be

 

  cremated

 

 

 

 

I wish for my leathery cadaver  

to be 

charred

on the Bull on the Beach fryers. 

 

 

 

Then,

I want The Dingus

to put me into a lashed harness

(with 320 lb. twisted poly line, of course),

ram a sturdy spar and spreader

 up my crispy ass,

and then launch

my charred carcass

in front of

 

The Kite Loft

 

to allow my CinderViv self

to scatter 

across the boards and the beach. 

 

 

 

 

Ideally,

my cremation will take place

on a day with a wind 

that will carry my ashes

five blocks south

so that

Randy Hofman

can

incorporate

a little of

The Viv

into his Jesus sand sculptures.  

 

 

 

 

That’s the closest to

Heaven

The Viv will get.

 

 

EVER.

 

 

 

                      Yep, even The Viv!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Ya gotta LOVE elementary spelling lists.

  

 

 

 

Last week’s words win the prize.

 

  

  

 

My 3rd grader, M1,

came home with

STUPID

on her list.

  

  

  

 

Now, is that REALLY a word EVERY 3rd grader MUST KNOW how to spell in order to be considered ‘well-educated’ or at the very least, ‘competent’?

 

  

  

  

Will

STUPID

 be on the big state

Standards of Learning’ test?

 

  

  

  

What is the EDUCATIONAL VALUE, the LEARNING OBJECTIVE,

in a 3rd grader’s knowing how to spell this particular word? 

  

  

  

 

Will my kid be READING

  

Of Mice and Men,

Flowers for Algernon

or Hey, Dummy

  

IN 3RD GRADE

  

wherein she will

 ENCOUNTER

STUPID

and its synonyms

in PRINT???!!!

 

  

  

  

If my kid misspellsSTUPID’ on her test,

does this mean she will be

 ‘LEFT BEHIND’?

 

 

  

 

What if the STUPID kids misspell ‘STUPID’? 

 

 

 

 

STUPID’ on ANY school-sanctioned spelling list is STUPID.

 

 

 

 

No, I take that back.

 

 

 

 

Let’s go ahead and teach’em

 

 ‘FUCK

 

and each of its conjugations.

 

 

 

 

Then my 9-year-old

will be able to say that

STUPID

on ANY school-sanctioned spelling list is

 

 

 

 

FUCKING STUPID.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My little first grader fared no better last week.

 

 

 

She came home with ‘WORD FAMILIES’.

 

 

You know: 

 

 

AT’   family:  bat, cat, fat, hat, mat, pat, rat, sat, vat, flat, slat, splat…

UG’  family:  bug, dug, hug, jug, mug, rug, plug, slug…

UT’  family:   but, cut, hut, nut, put, rut…

 

 

 

 

One night her homework was to choose

four spelling words from the list,

and then to compose sentences

using each of those chosen words.

 

 

 

 

At the beginning of the school year, it was SHEER TORTURE for my M2 to come up with those measly FOUR easy sentences.

 

 

 

 

Now, midway into the year, she’s a pro.

 

 

 

 

No longer must SassyMama sit beside her and agonize for eternity over the construction of her sentences.

 

 

 

 

At this point, M2 does this assignment on her own, and when finished, she brings her work for me to check.

 

 

 

 

This week, she was particularly quick with her sentences. 

 

 

 

 

In no time at all, she presented her sentences for my approval.

(quite proudly, I must add) 

 

 

 

 

I walk my dog.”

He sat in the chare.”

The sqwerl ate a nut.”

 

 

 

 

My sister is not a slut.”

 

 

 

 

 

I’m pretty sure

 our school district

 would not only

 

 APPROVE;

 

I think they’ll bump’er

 

 straight to the senior class.

 

 

 

 

 

P.S.  She MEANT to write ‘SLUG’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I adore words — my favorite word in the world is snack.  I love how it smacks in the mouth.  I especially love to hear the flight attendant announce it.

(One might be surprised that my favorites don’t start with “F”.)

After some deliberation, however, I’ve come to the conclusion that all of my favorite words/terms  start with “V”  

 (in the order they pop into my vapid mind):

Vagina 

Vacation

Void

Vivid

Vortex

Vice

Vex

Visceral

Volition

Vehemence

Vehicular  manslaughter

Viagra

Vicodin

Vodka

Vivification

Vilify

Villain

Vim

Vigor

Vestige

Vermiculite

Vile

VIP

Voila!

Voodoo

Vintage

Verve

Vociferous

Voluptuous

Vivacious

Veritable

Vivarin

Verisimilitude

Very

Velociraptor

Venial

Venom

Vitriol

Vapid

Victory

Victim

Visit

Voltaire

Voce

Voice

Vicious

Vixen

Virgin

Vasectomy

Venerable

Venerate

Vacillate

Vulture

Votive

Vindication

Volt

Vindictive

Victorian

Vain

Victuals

Viper

Vox

Vulcan, God of Fire

Vacant

Vent

Via

Vain

Voluminous

Vice Versa

Vomitous

Vendetta

Volatile

Varmint

Verbatim

Verbose

Verbal

Verbiage

Vulgar

Vicissitude

Vat

Vast

Vitavitavotamin

Vote

Vendetta

Vamoose

Virtual

Vacuous

Vichyssoise

Velveteen

Vampire

Vamp

Vegetate

Vinny

Vector, Victor (as in what’s your?)

 

“V’s” pack more punch than any plosive or sibilant in my book.  Plus, they’re just too much fun for the tongue!

 

Next blog:  Viv’s Favorite Words From A-Z!